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Safe People Vs. Unsafe PeopleMarianne Skolek Salem-News.com
"Truth is generally the best vindication against slander"- Abraham Lincoln
(MYRTLE BEACH, S.C.) - A dear friend recently recommended a book to me entitled "Safe People - How to Find Relationships That Are Good For You -- And Avoid Those That Aren't" written by Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend.
Initially I thought it would help in keeping strong professional relationships with agencies I work with on a daily basis at exposing the "dark side" of pharma, but I also discovered the authors gave very good, sound advice on personal relationships as well. We all like to think that the people we have in our lives are "safe people" -- not only family and friends -- but also pastors, physicians and those in whom we put our trust and confidence.
I thought our readers might benefit from Drs. Cloud and Townsend and their insight -- especially if a person in a "trust" position oversteps their boundaries and becomes an "unsafe person."
1. Value love - connection - have the ability to trust.
2. Value responsibility (take responsibility for themselves and value that in others). Neither overly dependent on others nor codependent - feeling responsible for others.
3. Value honesty - ability to be known - transparent - who they really are.
4. Working on their own issues.
5. Respond to truth.
6. Have a good track record (may fail, but learn from failure and move on -- are in progress of making a good track record even if this is a new beginning for them).
7. Can be observed and tested - see them in interactions with other people (test them with a small part of yourself, share a part of your heart and see what happens).
8. Bear good fruit in your life by being with them (encourage you to grow individually and in your connection with other people). UNSAFE PEOPLE 1. Think they have it all together instead of admitting their weaknesses. 2. Are defensive instead of open to feedback.
3. Are self-righteous instead of humble.
4. Only apologize instead of changing their behavior.
5. Avoid working on their problems instead of dealing with them.
6. Demand trust, instead of earning it.
7. Believe they are perfect instead of admitting their faults.
8. Blame others instead of taking responsibility.
9. Will lie instead of being honest.
10. Are stagnant instead of growing.
11. Avoid closeness instead of connecting.
12. Are only concerned about "I" instead of "we" (not relationship centered)
13. Resist freedom instead of encouraging it.
14. Condemn us instead of forgiving us.
15. Stay in parent/child roles instead of relating as equals.
16. Are unstable over time instead of being consistent.
17. Are a negative influence on us, rather than a positive one. 18. Gossip instead of keeping our confidences.
LP - Love is the total acceptance of what is -- what was -- what will be -- and what won't be!
Salem-News.com Reporter Marianne Skolek, is an Activist for Victims of OxyContin throughout the United States and Canada. In July 2007, she testified against Purdue Pharma in Federal Court in Virginia at the sentencing of their three CEO's who pled guilty to charges of marketing OxyContin as less likely to be addictive or abused to physicians and patients. She also testified against Purdue Pharma at a Judiciary Hearing of the U.S. Senate in July 2007. Marianne works with government agencies and private attorneys in having a voice for her daughter Jill, who died in 2002 after being prescribed OxyContin, as well as the voice for scores of victims of OxyContin. She has been involved in her work for the past 7-1/2 years and is currently working on a book that exposes Purdue Pharma for their continued criminal marketing of OxyContin.
Marianne is a nurse having graduated in 1991 as president of her graduating class. She also has a Paralegal certification. Marianne served on a Community Service Board for the Courier News, a Gannet newspaper in NJ writing articles predominantly regarding AIDS patients and their emotional issues. She was awarded a Community Service Award in 1993 by the Hunterdon County, NJ HIV/AIDS Task Force in recognition of and appreciation for the donated time, energy and love in facilitating a Support Group for persons with HIV/AIDS.
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