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Mar-01-2009 13:27printcomments

Tattoos, Rap and Saggy Pants

I get the same rolled eyes and glazed over looks that I gave my parents. I guess it’s karma, it’s payback time, and it’s the inevitable generation gap.

Baggy Pants
Courtesy: personal.georgiasouthern.edu

(AGOURA, Calif.) - The journey from child, to teen, to young adult to parent seems to have similar stops along the way for most everyone. My college years were during the “age of stupidity,” as a man I greatly respect refers to the ‘60s and early ‘70s.

As a love-child and soon-to-be yuppie, I was thoroughly convinced that I would be a different parent to any children I might have than my parents were to me.

Naturally, I had all the answers. My parents’ tastes in music, fashion, and politics, my Mom’s helmet style hair-do which required weekly visits to the hair salon, were all stupid, old-fashioned, and ugly. It was inconceivable to me that they didn’t dig or see how groovy The Doors, Janis Joplin, Jimi Hendrix, or The Stones were.

The fact that most of them died of drug overdoses escaped me at the time (e.g. Brian Jones of The Stones in case you think I’ve missed something). The fact that Mick Jagger and his remaining crew still perform, in the their 60s, when our generation famously said not to trust anyone over thirty is also a lost irony on most of my AARP-aged contemporaries now.

So, when I became a parent, I was sure I’d appreciate and respect my children’s tastes because they’d probably just be the same as mine. I’d enjoy their music, their hairstyles, their fashions, etc. Of course, my brilliance and confidence about how I’d parent turned out differently. In essence, my parenting was just a repeat of my own parents’ experiences with me! As with most expectations, they disappoint.

First, there was rap. Then, tattoos and piercings. And, my favorite, wearing pants that fall down to the bottom of their butts. While my teen is not allowed to have tattoos, or piercings, he makes up for it by coming home with tattoo sleeves penned at school, in class, by various of his friends (bet you don’t know what that term means Okay, I won’t make you search on Google, as it won’t be in your dictionary…hmmm, when’s the last time your kid looked up a word in a dictionary or you did, for that matter? A tattoo sleeve, as the word sleeve implies, is a tattoo that covers the entire arm, up to the shoulder).

Now, as a parent we all know that we have to pick our battles and my teen son knows that tattoos and piercings are not going to happen in our house. In spite of it being against our religion, he’d love to have a tongue piercing, a death skull tattoo or, at the very least huge pierced earrings, as many of his teen friends have at ages as young as 14. We all watch different screens, in our respective rooms or wherever they happen to be. They can watch movies on a 2-square-inch mobile device. Homework is done while multi-tasking, between texting friends, watching YouTube, and playing guitar. Ultra-violent and horrors movies are among their favorites; anything in Black & White is unacceptable.

Watching my teen son pull up his pants to cover his boxers, non-stop, truly mystifies me. Is this really an inevitable part of life’s cycle? I suspect yes. There’s no doubt that parenting today has greater challenges than for my parents’ generation.

When I was in elementary school, in the late ‘50s and early ‘60s, they could trust that I could walk to and from our nearby public school with total safety, that the music I’d listen to then (before the ‘60s began in earnest) would contain lyrics that wouldn’t corrupt my youthful ears, that the movies I’d go to would also have values and heroes and villains that reflected a traditional sense of right and wrong.

We watched the same television shows together, as the three networks were our only option, so when The Beatles first appeared on Ed Sullivan, I put up with the Opera singer, the Broadway singer, Topo Gigio, and the guy who spun the plates on a stick, before I finally got to see The Beatles and their shockingly long hair. But, even with The Beatles, occasionally my parents would appreciate them, like when Paul would sing a song like “Yesterday.”

As for my kids’ music, most of the band’s names alone make me crazy. I’m sorry, but it’s hard for me to appreciate songs by groups or singers called Napalm Death, T-Pain, Ol’ Dirty Bastard, and Cannibal Corpse with song titles such as “Crack A Bottle,” “Hammer Smashed Face,” “Evisceration Plague,” “Chopped 'n' Skrewed” and “Stanky Legg.”

What happened? I was supposed to be the hip parent where all my kids’ friends would confide in me, say to my boys “wow, your Dad is so cool.” I’d play for them music that they’d never heard of and think it was so terrific, discuss classic movies and television, and have deep political conversations. Not a chance. I get the same rolled eyes and glazed over looks that I gave my parents. I guess it’s karma, it’s payback time, and it’s the inevitable generation gap.

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Please visit brucesallan.com to contact Bruce and to enjoy the various features his new Web site offers, including a unique Ask Bruce For Advice section, an archive of his columns, contact info, links to his published work, photo galleries, and reader comments, plus much more.

Bruce Sallan gave up his showbiz career a decade ago to raise his two boys, full-time, now 12 and 15. His nationally syndicated column, A Dad’s Point-of-View, is his take on the challenges of parenthood and male/female issues, both as a single dad and now, newly remarried, in a blended family. In addition to Salem-News.com, his column is available in over 50 newspapers and Web sites in the U.S. and internationally. He can be reached at: brucesallan@gmail.com.




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Henry Ruark March 3, 2009 7:42 pm (Pacific time)

Gentlemen all, you will understand if I simply sit back and chuckle (LOL !) at this point. For what it's worth, you are all passing through separate parts of a complex cycle, with remarkably similar reactions at hugely varying levels and very diverse situations, called "life" --extraordinary for some, far-otherwise for others. IF you survive long enough, you may achieve something closer to serenity... I surely hope so, and appreciate your strong intensities, ultimate decencies, and esp. your respect for each other. Please note I spare you some of mine own accumulation of both wounds and joys... Vic, thanks for reaction to S-N as channel...that's pure dialog at its strongest, I think we can agree.


Vic March 2, 2009 6:53 pm (Pacific time)

Cory, do you disagree with my assessment of authorities? If so, how? I do have faith, respect and hope, but not that the status-quo continues. I have hope that at some point, people will be angry enough (if that is what it takes) to reclaim this country from the thieves who have commandeered it. I guess in a nutshell,I have faith in people, but not governments. And I dont understand your emphasis on "easy"..if you read my post, I was saying that is the problem..no one wants to be uncomfortable or undertake anything that is not easy or puts themselves at risk. I think we agree on that point. I also think that when things are wrong...and people are suffering, anger is absolutely appropriate. I would even say that lack of anger, and complacency is entirely unappropriate. Anyways,I appreciate your kind sentiments, and appreciate S-N, which provides this forum !


Cory Collier March 2, 2009 5:38 pm (Pacific time)

Vic, I'm sorry to hear the amount of anger you have. The world we live in is definitely a difficult place to live in. However, nothing worth doing is easy. Having faith, respect, or hope in current times doesn't have to be easy to be a worthwhile effort. I hope you find some peace, and some clarity. Best, Cory Collier Web Developer and System Administrator http://corycollier.com


Vic March 2, 2009 8:00 am (Pacific time)

Cory..do you think kids SHOULD respect authority? I take it as a hopeful sign for America that they do not. Look what "authorities" have done for us...ruined our country, openly raiding the treasury, sending them off to die and kill for more money...Screw "authority" until authorities represent good and not evil, lying, pocket-stuffing thugs and self-serving opportunists....and I am 51 years old, by the way. My generation is "The Nutless Generation"...as long as WE are comfortable, the rest of the world can go to Hades. We are cowards and even when we realize that something is terribly wrong, we are afraid to do anything that might get the self-appointed "authorities" after us. I am suspicious of every single person who sets themselves up as an "authority", or who pursues a career where they have authority over others, and am glad that others are waking up also.


Vic March 2, 2009 6:26 am (Pacific time)

stephen...why do you think Jesus just sits back and lets the world go to hell...30 children a minute starve to death, evil people prospering while good people suffer... etc....where the f**k is Jesus? If he is "out there" watching, he obviously doesnt give a damn about any of us. Some of the most religious and dedicated Christians I know recently lost their 16 year old daughter in a car wreck...what did their faith get them? Nothing. Not criticizing your beliefs, but when do some of those glorious promises in the bible come to pass? I have yet to see ONE. BTW, I was a single dad too...congrats on that one !!


Cory Collier March 1, 2009 10:21 pm (Pacific time)

Bruce, I think there's a few diverging issues here. One, is the fact that morality, as it was broadcasted on radio and early television until the cultural backlash of the Vietnam War, is considered passe by most people (likely your age) who are most responsible for producing the media content that our culture consumes. The second issue, is the exaggeration of this phenomenon when the filter of nostalgia is applied. Lastly, the lie that's been told so many times now, it's accepted as truth: "we are less safe than we used to be". The first generation of television broadcasted in the US was by folks who had lived and worked through the Great Depression and World War 2. Those people are called the Greatest Generation for a reason. It was their efforts that lead to space travel, computers, and the internet". The generation after them grew up on the Summer of love and incessant criticism of government, especially of the military. Those are the folks who've been producing the music/movies/etc.. that your kids are listening to now. I've been around a bit less than you (I'm just about 30), and even I can relate to what you're saying in reference to kids and their damned behavior. The lack of respect kids have for authority offends me. Me?! I'm too young to talk like an old guy, but I do. Most of my friends I grew up with feel the same way. In reference to the common myth that we're less safe than we used to be: Please check facts first. Per capita, the violent crime rate for most of the country is about the same as it was in 1959. The major difference between 1959 and 2009 is the massive amount of realtime reporting we have about crime and violence. I say this with respect, and I apologize for being blunt. Finally, I'm a bit amused by your choice of bands to have disdain for. I'm a huge fan of Cannibal Corpse. Their new album, Evisceration Plague, is an amazing album. I realize the vocals are an immediate turn off for most folks. However, the technical dexterity required to play those songs is something I can't do, after playing guitar for 15 years. I dare you to look up the song 'Frantic Disembowlment' on YouTube. There's a video of the song being recorded, without vocals. I suspect, while you might not be a fan of Cannibal Corpse after watching the video, you might have a little more respect for the technical prowess they bring to the table Oh, and one more thing: I'm a Christian as well. It might sound a bit off after my advocacy of Death Metal, but I'm a conservative guy. I hear where you're coming from, and I can relate to much of it. Best, Cory Collier


stephen March 1, 2009 5:12 pm (Pacific time)

My 21 year old son is now downstairs practicing with his band. His original music is melodic, and I like hearing it. In his last year in college. Majoring in history. No jobs for that, but learning history helps us not repeat it. Maybe that is just important. My 20 year old daughter is doing well, listens to middle of the road music. Never had to tell them they cant have tatoos, etc. And I was a single dad from their ages of 4 and 6, until they were 14 and 16 before re-marrying. Take it for what it is worth, but here is what I owe my success to. I believe in Jesus, and I prayed constantly with a humble heart for His wisdom. And now? Well, I still pray for wisdom, but I also give thanks continually that He loves me enough to direct me through a world that is out of control.

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