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Sep-03-2012 16:30printcomments

Illegal Advice: Dr. Richard B. Harding Attorney At Lawl

On this labor day, if you remember nothing else, remember that those who work for a living will always be superior to those who only know how to lie cheat and steal.

Richard Nixon

(SANTA MONICA, CA) - As an esteemed member of the illegal profession I find people seeking my council from time to time in such matters and their complaints and concerns are frequently the same.

The backalleys of commerce contain in them a seemingly never ending circus of con men, hucksters, loan sharks, beggars, thieves, pimps, and quack dope peddlers.

The ordinary American is beset on all sides by this carnival menagerie.

Whether it is debt collectors, DUIs, bogus drug charges, evictions, outrageous medical bills, or any one of a thousand other scams, the proprietors of the carnival will find a way to suck your hard earned cash.

And when their frauds are exposed, when the victim seeks redress, they are bundled on down to their good friends the lawyer and the judge, who get a good laugh while they pick your financial carcass clean.

Lawyers are a special breed of idiot. They offer good sport for the experienced wrangler. But spearfishing for sharks is not for novices.

In a master stroke of genius, resembling a three year old's finger paintings, the legal profession has invented a law that makes it illegal for non-lawyers (i.e. honest individuals) to offer legal advice.

So, I present to you, my dear reader: “Illegal Advice.”

Every word here is certified to be completely illegal. Such advise is obviously so deviate that an honest man must acknowledge it to be nothing more than satire. And it is equally obvious that no one should take this advice seriously and act on it.

I will continue this series, addressing particular illegal topics in greater detail, but for its initiation, and in commemoration of Labor Day, the celebration of the American Worker, I will kick things off with a bang by addressing the topic of illegal debts.

To take a typical scenario: assume that you are sent a letter of collections signed by some attorney claiming that you owe them money and threatening legal action.

Your initial response might be to call this purported attorney and arrange a payment plan.


First off, all mail from an unknown sender should be thrown away immediately. It is junk mail which will never be to your benefit. At the very least wasting your time.

Mail bearing the return address of a law firm, bank, doctor, etc, doubly so.

Now, suppose a strange person comes to your house asking for you.

The natural response might be to say, “yes of course, how can I help you.”

The correct response is to say: “ahh, unfortunately so-and-so does not live here any longer, they did however leave a forwarding address, what is your business with them?”

If after interrogation the stranger is someone who you wish to deal with you can always explain that you are simply trying to ward off scumbags, and if they are not a complete asshole, they will understand completely.

Now, suppose some hotshot lawyer has actually filed suit against you. Your first response might be to call them and try to negotiate a settlement, or even worse, find a lawyer of your own.


There is a basic principle in business and management that you only hire people who you can control and will do your bidding. This is symbolized in business relationships by salary.

The higher person gets paid more than the lower person which symbolizes their authority.

If you are some poor sod scraping by on a middle-class salary and you go to a lawyer raking six figures you are walking into a trap.

The lawyer is in control and you are employed by them to increase their earnings at your expense.

That is a simple fact of business and business relationships.

There are two options in dealing with lawsuits: avoid them or face them.

Courts are hostile territory rigged by the same assholes who are trying to steal from you so avoidance is the preferential course in all cases.

If you are forced to fight, then don't waste your money on a rigged lawyer whose only role in the matter will be to try and take your cash for themselves as opposed to letting it go to the “opposing” party.

There are three rules in successful defense in court: Say nothing. Deny everything. And get a Jury Trial.

Between saying nothing and denying everything the preference is to say nothing.

Give your enemies nothing that can be used against you.

If you are truly forced to speak, such as by taking the stand to rebut charges, deny everything. Without exception.

A jury trial will always be to your advantage. There is a reason why prosecutors and corporations go to such great lengths to avoid jury trials. There is a reason why rigged lawyers recommend against jury trials.

Even with a rigged jury you stand a reasonable chance of getting a few decent honest individuals who may save your life or your wallet.

If you allow your case to be decided by a judge you may as well not even show up.

These people are all on the same team after all. Judge, Prosecution, and Defense. No exceptions.

Having a lawyer represent you is completely useless unless you know the law better than they do and can thus effectively exercise control over them.

Those are some basic ground rules for illegal engagement.

Now, to deal specifically with the question of debt.

Virtually all debt contracts in the United States are fraudulent on their face.

All debt contracts that include interest are fraudulent and intentionally so. There is a mountain of legal precedent stating that interest is fraud and the point is so firmly rooted that it is beyond debate.

A U.S. court will never recognize this of course but it is well known.

In fact under U.S. law debts that do not include interest are actually deemed to be unenforceable.

The presumption then is that all debt claims before U.S. courts are fraudulent.

Interest fraud aside it is worth pointing out that money is just paper and has very little intrinsic value. The people who have a monopoly on printing this paper are thus engaged in a massive and highly organized scheme to defraud hard working citizens by trading their worthless paper for real valuable goods.

Don't expect the criminal's court to give you a lot of traction on this argument. Never mind how obvious it is.

Instead of attacking the roots of the crime, which are strong, attack the outermost branches, which are weak.

By following this method the tree may be trimmed and its growth impaired. When there are no more branches and leaves left, then the roots will wither and die.

The weakest branch in a debt collection case is the proof of debt.

In court the plaintiff must prove their case and not the other way around.

If you should find yourself caught in a trial then your only hope is reliance on the jury of your peers to recognize that the debt does not exist.

The plaintiff will surely come forward with mountains of “evidence” but if the debt does not exist they will be hard pressed to put a witness on the stand who will swear that you owe them money.

This point must be driven home again and again.

Unless the plaintiff can produce a witness to the debt they have no case. They will lie and equivocate and produce many reams of paper to try and avoid this central point.

But paper is easy to forge. Digital records are easy to forge.

You can produce papers and documents showing that the plaintiff, the judge, and the Pope owe you millions. They are nothing more than scribbles. A childish artifice.

Before a jury you should come back to the point of witness testimony over and over again so that the point cannot escape a reasonable person.

If you testify that you do not know the plaintiffs and do not owe them any alleged debt and they cannot produce a witness to testify to your debt then their case is irretrievably lost.

This procedure does not guarantee success at trial but with a reasonably fair minded jury it is the best shot.

Defending yourself in a trial is by far the best approach. If you have the money you should hire a lawyer to advise you and sit with you.

Paralegals and other non-lawyers with legal research and writing training can be hired as independent contractors to prepare motions for you. These are the people who do most of the real work in law offices anyway so all you lose is the ridiculous salary.

The important thing about representing yourself is that it gives you the opportunity to speak directly to the jury and make your case on a personal level.

Now, if you will have trouble making your case, then you should take pause before embarking on a strategy of defending yourself.

Ask yourself: Do you believe in your cause? Do you believe that justice will be best served by the jury finding in your favor? Do you believe that you can effectively argue your case?

If the answer to any of the above is no, then you had better either practice, or hire a lawyer.

This is not a game for people who are simply trying to scam their way out of paying a bill.

If you are honest and you are right then that will shine through in whatever you do and say.

If you are a liar then you are better off hiring professional liars to do your business for you.

On that note I will conclude this first installment of Illegal Advice.

In future installments I hope to bring you more illegal advice on topics such as successfully fighting false DUI and drug charges, illegal taxation, and basic advice on illegal strategies for defending yourself against organize crime syndicates.

On this labor day, if you remember nothing else, remember that those who work for a living will always be superior to those who only know how to lie cheat and steal.

______________________________________________________ Business/Economy Reporter Ersun Warncke is a native Oregonian. He has a degree in Economics from Portland State University and studied Law at University of Oregon. At a young age, his career spans a wide variety of fields, from fast food, to union labor, to computer programming. He has published works concerning economics, business, government, and media on blogs for several years. He currently works as an independent software designer specializing in web based applications, open source software, and peer-to-peer (P2P) applications. Ersun describes his writing as being "in the language of the boardroom from the perspective of the shop floor." He adds that "he has no education in journalism other than reading Hunter S. Thompson." But along with life comes the real experience that indeed creates quality writers. Right now, every detail that can help the general public get ahead in life financially, is of paramount importance. You can write to Ersun at:




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Frank September 5, 2012 8:49 am (Pacific time)

However, if you promise to pay for something, enjoy the service or product and then try to wiggle out of the debt, you are indeed a liar, stealer and a cheat.

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